Some people are meant to be in your life for a short while and others are meant to be there for a lifetime. I wish that I knew which were which from the beginning. It can be really painful to connect with someone, have a friendship for years, and come only to find that they are not the person that you first thought. On the other hand, it can be that you have matured and grown up and now you find that you and your closest friend no longer have anything in common. In any circumstance, dealing with friendship break-ups is an extremely difficult and awkward situation.
I’ve had friendships with people for years and years and then through various life experiences and my change in interest, I come to find that we just don’t have anything to talk about anymore. I find that these friendship break-ups are easier to swallow though than the kind of breakup that are over something vindictive or hurtful. When the person you thought you could trust turns out to be someone you can’t trust at all. A person who doesn’t have your best interest at heart and who will do anything they can to see you fall.
In my own friendships that have grown apart, I have found myself going over every detail of what went wrong and wondering where I may have messed up, said the wrong thing. What did I do to make this person want to behave in this way. Nine times out of ten, you are not at fault. It took a long time for me to figure that out. Life is a tough crowd and when you are winning and getting ahead it can be hard for those that are not to be happy for you. I can tell you from first hand experience that those people are not your friends. You should only be around those who will cheer for you no matter what.
The pain of losing a friend in any case is difficult to move on from. Here are a few ways to moving forward that have really helped me in moving on from a friendship break-up.
Focus on You
Toxic friendships are very time consuming. Ending a friendship with toxic people is even more so. You spend a lot of time trying to resolve the conflict or trying to smile and stay positive in a situation that proves itself toxic over and over. Once it is all finished for good, go back and focus on number one. Spend time alone. Go back and cultivate what you value most and your interest.
Delete, Delete, Delete
Bad friendships and their fall out will eventually dissipate. It’s only natural that after the dust settles you’ll want to reconcile with your “ex” friend. I know I hate conflict and I try to resolve any bad blood that might be between me and another person. But don’t give in to trying to reconcile after a friendship is clearly over. More often than not the friendship fell apart for a reason and especially if a friendship ended with a toxic person, don’t go back and allow history repeat itself. Delete the person from your phone, social media, or wherever else their contact info may pop up and move on.
Be Open to New Friendships
I was told this advice and I was a bit puzzled. After a friendship breakup, especially a bad one, I found it hard to jumping into another friendship as I am wary of the situation repeating itself. But no two people are the same. Don’t let the fact that someone may have abused your trust and friendship dictate how future friendships will turn out. Everyone is different so be open to new friendships but ease into them slowly and at your own pace.
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